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you've grown up really crazy.
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[23 Jul 2006|12:45am] |
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1362750
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[05 Jun 2006|06:40pm] |
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i despise drawn out explanations. especially to those who are not deserving. this is the last time i will speak of, think of, or deal with this situation. first and foremost: I FUCKED UP. DANIELLE CHRISTINE SHODA MADE A MISTAKE. a few months ago during the whole michael, shawn, and i situation, i was very confused and absent minded. i didnt think ahead and didnt listen to those who could see the upcoming train wreck. i didnt realize what i was doing until it was too late. what one person was missing, the other person filled. and somehow, with the combination of the two i found a way to forget about everything else that was happening in my life. i never thought it would turn out like this but it did, and i'm sorry for everything. as for those who refuse to quit talking about this: so be it. talk amongst yourselves until this time, you're the ones feeling better. elaborate scenarios until your mind is too full to function, because i have moved on. i have met new, and amazing people. some through my new job at starbucks, others, it was luck/fate or the combination of the two. with this said. i am happy. as undeserving as i am of that title, danielle is happy. im going to new york in two days. i will be away from this while you are in the middle of nowhere, still talking about 5 months a go. FOR REAL this time, i am free.
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| random facts you need to know about my life as of today. |
[24 May 2006|05:31pm] |
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alright. i now have a job at dilworth coffee and starbucks, so i'll be working a shitload this summer. and as of two seconds ago, they know about each other and are perfectly fine with it. that makes me happy. also, i graduate this saturday, and it doesnt really feel like i should be. this year, as well as the past 12 years of school, have gone by extremely fast. too fast, but i was ready to get the hell out. i'm sure you can relate. my ultimate goal this summer is to try to keep in touch and actually hang out with the people that actually matter; obviously it's easier said than done, but whatever; i was never a major fan of cliches in the first place. i'm going to york tech my first semester of college, which really isnt where i want to be but due to my procrastination habits, i have to do what i have to do. im going to be majoring in advertisement and/or design. if those are actually majors, but whatever. then, depending on how many transfer hours i need, ill most likely be transfering to charleston in spring. as far as boys go. errrrrrr. i like boys a lot. and i find it very hard to like just one at a time; especially when they're not always treating me the best. if that makes sense. so i've just been hanging out where those things are concerned. at dilworth ive re-united with one of my old best friends from elementary school. i looooooove it. we're supposed to be going to speed street this friday to see a couple people she likes play but i dont know if that will happen due to my starbucks training. hopefully it will. in about a week or two, ill be in nyc with my mother and anna wilbanks; my two best friends in the world. ill have a shit load of money from graduation so this will most likely be the best trip to nyc so far. wait. except for that time i saw prince in maddy square. yeah that was totally the best trip tonew york. (this is for amanda: PURRPPPLLLEEE RAAAIIIINNN, BITTTCCCHHH. love you<3) anyways. also amandas back. that effing hippie is back from charleston, and as much as she hates, it... im so happy she is. now i have someone as crazy as me living here. last night i hung out with michael and victor and amanda. i was happy to see those two boys. it's been 2 years since i've seen victor so it was amazing to see him again. we went up to steak and shake and for seome reason i was going through a major phase of ADD and couldnt focus on shit. for real. it was creepy. oh well..... i cant think of any thing else now. plus im at work so i should probably start doing something. peace.
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[01 Apr 2006|10:39pm] |
i've got everything.
and nothing to show.
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| if i was screaming these lyrics any louder my lungs would burst. |
[22 Mar 2006|09:00pm] |
tonight we're gonna give it 35%
against me!
We drank bottled water together and talked business,
I think I played the right moves,
You were looking over my shoulder,
as I went through the motions of another night.
And it was alright,
because I thought I knew who everybody was just by looking at them.
My heart is anywhere but here.
And how tired I was from the past couple weeks,
from the past couple years,
well it hit me all at once.
On a balcony overlooking nothing,
with snow falling all around,
I called just to say good-night.
And you hadn't done anything wrong,
really, it's me not you.
I can't believe how naive I was
to think things could ever be so simple.
And can you live with what you know about yourself,
when you're all alone,
behind closed doors,
the things we never said but we always knew were right there.
It's got me on my knees in a bathroom,
praying to a god I don't even believe in,
"Dear jesus...are you listening?"
If this is the one chance that really matters,
don't let me fuck this up.
If you had told me about all this when I was fifteen,
I never would have believed it.....
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| sometimes, i miss being in baxter. |
[20 Mar 2006|10:08pm] |
  
The Cure "Just Like Heaven"
Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream she said
The one that makes me laugh she said
And threw her arms around my neck
Show me how you do it
And I promise you I promise that
I’ll run away with you
I’ll run away with you
Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow
Why are you so far away? she said
Why won’t you ever know that I’m in love with you
That I’m in love with you
You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You’re just like a dream
Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me
You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven
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| my obsession with the moulin rouge. |
[13 Mar 2006|10:19pm] |
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Satine: I don't need you anymore! All my life you made believe I was only worth what someone would pay for me! But Christian loves me. He loves me! He loves me, Harold. And that is worth everything! We're going away from you, away from the Duke, away from the Moulin Rouge!
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| for everyone, especially you. |
[18 Feb 2006|12:34pm] |
She's an ugly girl, does it make you want to kill her?
She's an ugly girl, do you want to kick in her face?
She's an ugly girl, she doesn't pose a threat.
She's an ugly girl, does she make you feel safe?
Ugly girl, ugly girl, do you hate her?
'Cause she's pieces of you?
She's a pretty girl, does she make you think nasty thoughts?
She's a pretty girl, do you want to tie her down?
She's a pretty girl, do you call her a bitch?
She's a pretty girl, did she sleep with your whole town?
Pretty girl, pretty girl, do you hate her
'Cause she's pieces of you?
You say he's a faggot, does it make you want to hurt him?
You say he's a faggot, do you want to bash in his brain?
You say he's a faggot, does he make you sick to our stomach?
You say he's a faggot, are you afraid you're just the same?
Faggot, Faggot, do you hate him
'Cause he's pieces of you?
You say he's a Jew, does it me that he's tight?
You say he's a Jew, do you want to hurt his kids tonight?
You say he's a Jew, he'll never wear that funny hat again.
You say he's a Jew, as though being born were a sin.
Oh Jew, oh Jew, do you hate him
'Cause he's pieces of you?
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[03 Jan 2006|09:23pm] |
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[03 Jan 2006|09:17pm] |
ok. all of your random, ridiculous comments.
keep it out of my journal.
most likely you don't know what is going on.
actually you really do not know anything that is going on.
because i haven't been able to explain to anyone what i really want.
and.
if you must broadcast your opinion anonymously over my journal.
[pathetic, i know]
keep it out of other people's journals as well.
they probably don't want to hear about it either.
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| hole |
[30 Dec 2005|10:35pm] |
Hit So Hard
Put me up above the boy
the one I love I should destroy
my sweet tooth has burned a hole
forget about it all
He hit so hard
I saw stars
He hit so hard
I saw God
He's cold give me my candy coat
he can't swim but he can float
one by one they all fall down
I look at him and drown
He hit so hard
I saw stars
He hit so hard
I saw God
He's so candy my downfall
melts in my mouth till he's nothing at all
this keeps me I can't sleep
he rages to be true
He hit so hard
I saw stars
He hit so hard
I saw God
Oh, man he hit so hard
I saw stars
He hit so hard
I saw God
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| 3 poems by jewel. this is why i'm hesitant to say hello. |
[27 Dec 2005|06:50pm] |
I keep expecting you to fade
to wake up one morning and not care
so I keep myself one carefully measured step away
in anticipation of your love's decline
so when your cheeck turns and your attention wanders elsewhere
my heart will not be left all awkward hanging from an elastic thread
you forgot to pull off your old pair of socks
for it's in your nature to lose interest suddenly
we are both artists who suck the marrow out of each lovely bone
It just happens to be my lovely bones this time
How Bare
Fear of Lust
Beautiful man
his eyes as blue as the sky,
His lips
curled to a grin,
His skin
sweetly colored with a tan.
I worry,
Does he know?
I am his fan.
I hold back
my temptation
To kiss his rose colored lips.
I can only
dream
of what it
would be like
to hold him.
Infatuation
Infatuation is a strange thing.
A bony creature thin with feeding on itself.
It is addicted not to its subject, but to its own vain hunger
And needs but a pretty face to fuel its rampant imagination.
It's humid couch and sweaty palms.
It's fleshy carpets ablaze with conquest.
But when conquering is complete,
the blood leaves its limbs and it becomes disenchanted.
Disappointed even to the point of disgust
with its subject, who sits then, like a hollow trunk,
emptied of its precious cargo
and left to fade like defeated naval ships.
A seed relieved of its transparent husk,
to dissolve finally on a rough and impatient tongue.
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[27 Dec 2005|04:18pm] |
i'm at my dads work on the computer.
i lost my cell phone.
my dog died.
i am sick to my stomache.
something has been weird with me lately.
i've been hanging out with my mom a lot
more than usual.
i woke up late (at around 2) this morning.
my day is going to be awkward now.
UGH I CANT FIND MY PHONE I FEEL NAKED WITHOUT IT.
yeh i said that twice,
so fucking what.
ive been pissed lately.
hopefully its pms.
whatev.
im supposed to hang out with you tonight.
its been too long.
i dont like it.
i feel weird.
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[12 Dec 2005|06:20pm] |
METRIC LYRICS
"Empty"
There was no way out, the only way out was to give in
There was no way out, the only way out was to give in
How I love to give in
Here no one sleeps, one lays up while the other lies down
Where no one sleeps, one lays up while the other lies down
Ask the line on your face what the line on your hand meant
We couldn't see what was coming
Shake your head it's empty
Shake your hips move your feet
Shake your head it's empty
Shake your hips move your feet
I'm so glad that I'm an island now
Sickness was fixing me some
Coughed out my heart in the last stall
Now that the damage is done
I never miss it at all
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| december 2nd=rimjob day. |
[01 Dec 2005|11:31pm] |
alright. its official. 30 minutes and its rimjob day.
EVERYONE CELEBRATE!!!!
& OFFER TO GIVE RIMJOBS TO ANYONE AND EVERYONE WHO IS IN NEED OF A BOO HOLE LICKIN'!!!!!!
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[01 Dec 2005|02:55pm] |
a russian girl from my 2nd period class made this for me.
i cried, really.
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| i'm missing/craving the lotion hand-holding while the film was playing. |
[28 Nov 2005|06:34pm] |
i wish things were that way all the time.
i've never seen you smile so preciously.
so innocently.
i wish i could just tell you.
that things are not so easy.
but.
i wish they were.
easy, that is.
uh.
my intentions are gentle.
i wish i could just speak.
bare minimum:
speaking.
that NEVER was too much to ask.
ughhhhhhh.
infatuation?
i have my fingers crossed.
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| ok. this is the last time im posting lyrics, i swear. |
[21 Nov 2005|02:10am] |
Middle-aged, do the low rise on the waist
London half-life
Middle-aged, you're the low riser
getting over myself today
And if you're compromised, Drive your car through the rain
And if you've been beaten, Drive your car through the rain
'till you wash off the buzz
Don't pull over 'till you're sure, one that wanted the floor,
one that won't know the street, one that wanted to land,
on the heart with his feet up
oh watch out, you're only better off at half your life
otherwise wasted
House of cards, you fall hard
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| ok. this is the last time im posting lyrics. |
[21 Nov 2005|02:09am] |
Middle-aged, do the low rise on the waist
London half-life
Middle-aged, you're the low riser
getting over myself today
And if you're compromised, Drive your car through the rain
And if you've been beaten, Drive your car through the rain
'till you wash off the buzz
Don't pull over 'till you're sure, one that wanted the floor,
one that won't know the street, one that wanted to land,
on the heart with his feet up
oh watch out, you're only better off at half your life
otherwise wasted
House of cards, you fall hard
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